This is my disclaimer for what is about to follow.
About a fortnight ago I booked in for an overhaul. We had a 30th birthday party to go to in London and I was in need of a haircut and a wax. A mono-brow on a girl is not a good look and so its imperative if the fringe was getting trimmed back it couldn't leave one long furry caterpillar lounging above my baby blues!!
If, as a lady, you have never had the experience of a wax you haven't really lived. It's an experience, not necessarily a nice one but as a functional, longer lasting and minimal fuss its a good option. It does come with a degree of pain, which is why I strategically thought I would balance the good with the bad and added a body scrub to my lists of "needs".
The plan was to start with a top down approach.
Beautician (B): And do you want me to shape them?
Me: Hmm, I think its more of a reclamation than a shaping that we* need.
Enter the application of warm wax, the soothing stroking of the cotton strip onto the offending area before... well a sharp tug and I have 2 independent eye brows.
B: So, how do you feel about a little off the top
Me: Well if you could that would be great.
Now for some reason I felt the need to explain that for an unknown reason my eye brows were trying to migrate their way into my hair line! This brought a smile on the face of B. but then I thought that if I got her on side then the rest of it would be a breeze. Good theory.
B. : If you could just hold yourself here
Me- Holding breast firmly out of the way I hold my breath and tense every muscle known to woman-kind.
B- SHARP tug
Me- having stopped holding my breath collapse. Which is an impressive achievement when you think that I am lying on a bed.
For your own interests you might want to stop reading now and skip to THE END which is handily marked as THE END
Now there are various things I could probably point out about the standard of etiquette involved on the parts of the B and on the client. But I'm not going to bother, this is my wax story and I am going to tell in it my now two glasses of wine way!!
She first asked me to drop my leg off of the side of the bed. This was a problem from the point of view that it left me in the position that when she yanked that evil cotton strip off I was going to kick her hard and fast in her bikini area.
What caused this particular section of the booking was the discovery of a stray hair half way towards my hip! WHAT possible plans did that little hair have? That it was going to lead a revolution? A mass growth, a flurry of other hairs racing their way around my hips to form some kind of alternative, hippy style skirt?!!!
That was never going to happen.
With the mono-brow and its aspirations of domination in terms of taking over my hair line I had no option but to respond with strength.
I went super wax.
There is not enough there to hold a party let alone lead a pubic revolution!
I went to the 30th in a foxy black dress, with two very sexy looking eyebrows and the ability to throw my hands in the air like I just don't care.
It was a great wee party rescued the next day with an amazing cooked breakfast. Thanks Mr H. we appreciated it very much!!!
*we were a team, there was a lot to be done and I wasn't going to go down alone.
Comment if you've had a wax or a stray rogue Che Guevara hair?! Or even to say you have read this and think I am ever so obviously un-hinged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!