Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Plumbing- a family affair?

What follows is a true story as told to me and Littlest Sis by Lil Sis. It had me in tears so with a wee smile I hope you'll enjoy this story of a chaotic morning and a fiestsy toilet!!

Also, it has been a day of excitement that I would like to share with you both, with love from me. 
After getting up at 05:55 in order to get a lift at 06:30 so that we could drive the icy/snowy/scary as heck road to the train station, using my finely honed skills as a co-pilot. We tried to catch a cancelled train from Arbroath at 07:10 in order to attend one class in Aberdeen (from 9-11). With the next train apparently not departing till after 08:30, we would be walking into class when everyone else would be walking out. We make the return journey holding on for our dear lives.
Only to get back to the flat to find that there is no water, hmmm. 
Come about 09:00, having had the essential wee power nap, I decide that I can no longer hold a poop I have been holding in all morning. And which has been stopping me stay any longer in bed so I race to the toilet to engage the backside. 
Unfortunately forgetting to engage the brain to remember there is no water. 
And now the problem begins: how do you get rid of an almighty pooper in the toilet when the water wont run?!
WELL, let me tell you how you do it. 
Firstly, you flush. Hoping that there is enough water in the cistern to get rid- bad times, not enough. So you find all the water in the flat you can: 2 bottles in the fridge and half a kettle. Pour into cistern and flush again.
BAD TIMES again, as this not only doesn't work but also only causes poopy dilution.
Secondly, you call Scottish Water. Who say they will raise a call and send someone out to have a look. OOPS now we have a time limit of unknown measure and HAVE TO GET RID OF THE POOP! 
So you go to emergency mode and decide "hey ain't there a lot of snow outside?" Well yes there is. A lot as it happens. And what is snow when it melts? 
That's right people- water!!
And then begins an endless journey, with the two biggest pans I can find, running outside and down stairs to fill with snow (that looks like it isn't hiding any nasty surprises and hasn't been trodden to a compact brick like state). To head back up stairs, put on the cooker to melt and fill the cistern in the hope that this will cause some sort of flush reaction. 
From my calculations it took:
 2 pots of snow = 1 pot of water * 5 runs up/down stairs + 1 run of 2 pots and a wok = you guessed it! 
With baited breath and fingers crossed tight; a half full cistern and flush.
A flush that consequently made me almost poop myself again, as the diluted poopy mixture began to rise so rapidily to the edge of the bowl that I jumped in the bath for fear of my own poop coming to get me! 
Thankfully, for all the praying to mother nature and damning gravity, it began slowly drain before hitting the bathroom floor. So although not fully effective the majority of poop was gone, as was the associated smell. So the main mission was accomplished before any poor Scottish water man comes in to fix the problem. 
Then at 11:45 the toilet starts making noises of what I can only imagine is its way of saying "How dare you force feed me poop! I'm just going to have to vomit all over the bathroom in revenge!" But thankfully as it turns out, the toilet was only having a wee cough before it filled itself again. I flushed to test and WHEY WATER RETURNED to toilet and all taps, relief!
Bet you can't top that morning of mayhem and stress!
We couldn't top that, could you?!!

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