Thursday, 7 April 2011

Personal Training Rules of Engagement- 1-5

Rule 1: Do Not Patronise your PT
They don't take this well and it is especially ill-advised early on into your relationship. He has a huge range of weaponry at his disposal that he will not hesitate to inflict it all on you.

Because you have paid your money you will not walk out, even during a circuit session that would see Mike Tyson in tears.

Rule 2: Don't get sarcastic with your PT
They are already fit as a fiddle you are not. See Rule 1 for likely consequences.

Comments like :Is that an honest "real" second or a "Marty" second which is 4 times the length of a normal second?

Will be met with: As you still have breath to speak lets do another 10 shall we?!

Rule 3: Shave your Legs
This is one that will help both parties and is in general a good piece of gym etiquette to practise.

You wont be left cringing in embarrassment- as you watch him try to stretch/straighten your leg by touching only the heal of your trainer and your knee cap with his knuckle in the hope his hands don't come in contact with the prickly hairs that are now trying to get through your 3/4 length running shorts!

He wont have to pretend that neither of you have noticed how awkward this last stretching exercise has become!!

Rule 4: If you talk you can work
Too much chatter is interpreted as "I am not being worked hard enough". *

He will adjust the speed/weight/incline, level of reps accordingly and you will either

a. become incoherent and shut up


b.  want to vomit all over him- not through some sense of pay back or retribution mind.

* From what I can gather they might be mildly interested in your life but I seriously doubt it - this is some kind of fitness barometer like a resting heart rate is indicative of health (I have no idea but I think a high resting heart rate is a bad thing. . . as is an exceptionally low resting heart rate... I am neither a medic nor a personal trainer so have no idea!)

Rule 5: Have at least a day between PT sessions
Unless you are at the end of your block booking and have already attained the body of Adonis then it is not recommended to have a PT session the day after surviving the last one! You will find you ache when you sit, stand, take your coat off, walk, climb stairs.

Your body will be doing their version of a protest and letting you know that your stomach muscles are involved in picking up a ringing phone!!

We're not even half way through I am sure Rules 6-10 will make themselves apparent as I work my way through my sixteen 30 minute sessions with my ever smiling and enthusiastic personal trainer!

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